Chapter 6: Consumer
My parents’ house was soon covered with things—useless trinkets, at least from my perspective.
Wall hangings, shelf decor, furniture covers. The outside of the house was becoming covered as well, with the
flower beds and fence filling up with decorations.
We needed none of it, but she just kept buying.
She purchased a gazebo for the backyard, but it sat in its box for months until I finally got tired of seeing it
there and decided to build it for her.
It irritated me to see the boxes sitting outside day after day, the cardboard slowly rotting.
I couldn’t stop thinking about how wasteful it all seemed.
When she began talking about buying a hot tub, I couldn’t remain silent anymore.
I finally spoke up. I couldn’t stand watching her spend so much money.
From my perspective, I was working a full-time job and raising my kids. My wife was a stay-at-home mom
who was planning to homeschool our children.
We were getting by, but it wasn’t always easy.
It frustrated me to watch so much money being spent on things I saw no value in when I imagined other
things we could be working toward together.
Starting a garden. Raising chickens. Improving our daily lives.
But it was their money. I knew I had no say in what they did with it.
Still, it felt irresponsible not to say something—to simply watch it happen without at least voicing my
concerns.
My concerns were received exactly as I had expected. The response was defensive and emotionally charged.
My words did not matter. I was just the child, after all.
What did I know?
Eventually, my dad confronted my mom over her spending.
My mom had always handled their finances. From what she had told me, my dad did not want to bother with
them and left that responsibility to her.
The confrontation led to my dad discovering just how much debt had accumulated through her spending.
This was the first major conflict I clearly remember during my mom’s decline, but there would be many more
to come.
My parents had conflicts like this when I was a child and into my teenage years, but I do not remember them
well enough to give a reliable account of what happened.
I remember the fighting. I remember trying to make them stop. I even remember physical confrontations
between my dad and me.
During this more recent conflict, my dad learned that my mom had attempted to refinance their house
without his knowledge. As I understood it, she had even attempted to forge his signature on the documents.
She was trying to use money from the refinancing to pay down the debts she had accumulated.
Her spending declined after this. But the compulsive behavior I had been watching did not seem to disappear.
Instead, her attention increasingly shifted toward social media.
What followed was the first major conflict of this period that directly involved me.
My dad had reached a very low point and was talking about harming himself.
This eventually led to a physical confrontation between us.
I will openly admit that I did not handle the situation as well as I should have. My own lingering anger issues
played a large part in what happened.
I regret much of what occurred. In my mind at the time, however, I was trying to prevent my children from
witnessing the same kinds of things I had witnessed as a child.
I do not regret acting.
I regret the way I acted.
My dad was standing only a few feet from his handgun, which was hanging on the wall behind him. Because
he had been talking about harming himself, I wanted him away from it.
He would not move away from the gun. Out of frustration, I shoved him, causing him to fall hard.
This event left me feeling as though our relationship would never be the same again.
For a time, that would be true.