Chapter 4: Emotional Dissonance
I began to notice similarities between the emotional responses of my parents and those I was observing in my
own young children.
When my son was two years old, my daughter was born. As they grew together, I was able to watch how they
behaved with each other and how they responded to frustration, conflict, and emotions they did not yet know
how to handle.
Young children are still learning how to regulate their emotions. Outbursts and tantrums are a natural part of
that process.
Watching my children made me think differently about some of the behavior I had witnessed from my
parents.
I began to notice similarities in the way my parents responded to conflict and criticism. It made me wonder
whether they had ever learned healthy ways to regulate their emotions, or whether experiences in their own
childhoods had influenced how they handled them as adults.
My mom often seemed overwhelmed by her emotions, while my dad’s greatest weakness, from my
perspective, was his temper.
Once I began viewing my relationship with my parents through the new perspective that parenthood had
given me, I started to see a bigger picture.
This realization was incredibly difficult for me.
I had always looked to my parents for guidance. Now I was beginning to understand that becoming an adult
did not automatically mean having everything figured out.
More importantly, I began to realize that some of the behaviors I was questioning in my parents also existed
within me.
This became a turning point in my own self-assessment.
I began to question more and more why I did the things I did.
Why did I allow my emotions to control me?
Why did I view others as less than myself?
What was the purpose of the life I was living if not to share it with those around me?